By Frank James, IV, Special to the Milwaukee Times Weekly Newspaper
Recently I was talking to a married person who was talking about their marriage. This person talked about how they enjoyed the fact that someone was at home when they arrived there. I figured the person was happily married. As the conversation proceeded I found out different. This encounter led me to talk to other married people. I came to realize that many of the married people I encountered were married for convenience, not love. Most were unconsciously unhappy. After these conversations, and looking at the statistics for marriage in the USA, I came to a conclusion, many married people are miserable.
“I now pronounce you man and wife.” This sentence is supposed to be a bridge to a union between two people to bring about peace, love and happiness. This statement must not apply to first marriages. The divorce rate for first time marriage is around 40 to 50 percent according to Modern Family Law. Does this mean that the first marriage is for practice? This makes sense if you apply sports rules to marriage. You have to practice to get better at any sport. Maybe marriage in the USA is some perverse sport?
“Till death do us part.” The previous statement is another heavy line from the marriage speech the reverend delivers on wedding day. Gray divorce rates, divorce between people 50 and older, have doubled. Many people in the USA have decided to forgo the life insurance payment that comes when death takes their spouse. Freedom may be worth more than money to many. Yet, why would someone want to leave if love was the basis for the marriage?
“For richer, for poorer,” is another shot from the marriage vows. In the modern USA the second part is not happening for many US citizens. The money factor is one major key to marriage in the USA. How many times have you seen an attractive person with someone who was not? A high number of the previous scenarios take place because of one underlying factor, money. Who can blame someone for not wanting to be poor? Yet, in the USA the rich part has become a hangup that often keeps marriage from taking place. Tina Turner once sang, “What’s love got to do with it?” This line sums up the mindset of many potential marriage participants. Both sexes tend to look at the financial outlook instead of love. This can lead to financial success, but married misery. “Money can’t buy me love,” The Beatles may have gotten it right with that line.
Many people are married and do not truly care for their spouse. What then becomes of these people? Divorce is an option. Yet, many stay married to their spouse because of family or they simply don’t know anything else. A dog that has been kicked enough still hangs around the master that kicks it. This is true for many married people. They stay tethered to misery because of children or financial reasons. These people adapt to emotional misery and it becomes their norm. If you talk to them they will tell you how they hate being married, but either can’t, or won’t leave.
Everyone has seen a married person who just seems to follow the lead of their spouse. The husband who seems to be a puppet of his wife. The wife who accepts her husband’s infidelity because she thinks her glory days have passed. These type of people make up a high number of married people in the USA. Why? Many people in these type of situations are scared of being alone. Fear, not love keeps the marriage going on their end. Is this the true meaning of, “For better or for worse?”
There are happily married people in the USA. You see them smiling and enjoying each other’s company. Congratulate these people when you see such a couple. Do the same when you see an unhappy pairing. After all, better them than you.
Frank James IV © 2025
beingfrankwithfrank@gmail.com
The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the writer and not of the Milwaukee Times Weekly Newspaper or HT Group, LLC, its staff or management. “Being Frank” is a bi-weekly column exclusive to the Milwaukee Times Weekly Newspaper.
