Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is a family affair

Denotra Griffin-Wallace always enjoyed being the matriarch of her extended family. According to her oldest daughter, Sarita Griffin, her mother was the “glue” that held the family together. So, when Denotra was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease about seven years ago, the entire family suffered.

“It’s not the same now. We were always gathering at her place,” Sarita said, adding that everyone spoke with Denotra so that if you wanted to know what was going on in the family, all you had to do was contact her.

Sarita said the family had to move her mother out of her duplex house. After the diagnosis, she moved into an apartment building with her youngest daughter. Sarita said she works full time during the week, but that she is available to help care for her mother several weekends a month.

“My mother was a very enthusiastic churchgoer before she became sick,” Sarita said. “When she comes to visit, I take her to church and we play Gospel music on the radio while we’re at home. Those are usually good times for her.”

Sarita said her mother is usually cheerful and cooperative, but once in a while she can become unreasonable. Other times, she may absentmindedly pick up things and stash them away in her pocket or a strange place. Sarita said once while staying at her place, her mother put the remote control to the television in her pocketbook and it was a week before anyone found it again.

At first these changes in her mother were hard for Sarita, but she said she gained a lot of new insight into what she and her family were experiencing after attending a workshop titled “Caring for the Caregiver: A Day for Me” that was sponsored by the Alzheimer’s Association Wisconsin Chapter on November 19, 2022.

Sarita credits the Alzheimer’s Association with helping her understand that each of her siblings must deal with their grief in their own way.

Keeping everyone equally informed about Denotra’s condition can be difficult in an extended family, according to Sarita who said that members of her family are sometimes shocked by changes in Denotra’s condition if they haven’t kept up even for just a few weeks. Tragically the one person everyone in the past could depend on for family news is no longer able to be the family’s communication hub.

Denotra now needs near constant supervision. Otherwise, she might wander away and become disoriented. Sarita said her mother slipped away briefly from her once before and so she now keeps the doors locked during visits.

Sarita said her mother is less likely to become bored and try to wander when she is busy, so she tries to keep Denotra focused on cheerful activities when she visits. Sarita said her Christian faith has also greatly helped her maintain a positive outlook while helping care for her mother.

“Despite the heartache, I have grown closer to my mom while caring for her,” she said.

The Alzheimer’s Association Wisconsin Chapter offers free education, support and resources for families like Sarita, on this difficult journey. The Alzheimer’s Association is hosting a free caregiver event on Feb. 23, 2023 from 11:00 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. The event, “Creating Connections, Partners in Hope,” will share resources available for families and host keynote speaker and author, Patricia McClure-Chessier, who will share her caregiver journey. This is a free event at St. Mark A.M.E. Church (1616 W. Atkinson Ave.) and a complimentary soul food lunch will be served. You can register online at “bit.ly/hope223” or call 800.272.3900.